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Jake Wendlandt

Alice In Haikuland

I.      White Rabbit, always late
        Tricked Alice into following.
        The adventure begins.

II.     Tears make shallow pools,
        Crying Alice lost the key.
        Girl is lost, alone.

III.    Animals race wrong.
        A thimble is not a prize.
        Poor Alice, Alone again.

IV.    White fan and small gloves,
        Big Alice fills house,
        Whoops! There goes Bill Lizard!

V.     Blue Caterpillar
        Calmly smokes on a hookah
        Asks Alice “Who are You?”

VI.    Alice meets the Duchess,
        cook uses pepper to quiet
        The baby turned pig.

VII.   Hatter and March Hare,
        Having tea and some madness,
        Poor Alice leaves confused.

VIII.  Royal court of Hearts,
        With hedgehogs as croquet balls,
        Play round the garden.

IX.    Alice meets Gryphon
        And Mock Turtle, tells them tales.
        What a grand day!

X.     The Lobster Quadrille,
        Crazy as the name suggests,
        Makes a great lesson.

XI.    The mad Queen of Hearts,
        Wants to behead for her tarts.
        Alice grows up; goes home.

Sexy Seasons

In Spring, [Short] Green, Tea
In Summer, [Dresses] Cherry, Pie
In Autumn, [Walk] Grey, Goose
In Winter, [Away] White, Washed

Humpty Dumpty's Open Letter To Rapunzel

RAPUNZEL!  Hey, girl, it’s me Humpty!
Rapunzel, seriously,
let down your hair.
Not for me,
not for society,
but for you.
I mean, why do we replay these cliché’s?
The ones where you assume all I want 
is to hump your hair, and I assume
you want to smash my heart
to bits?
Just be real. That’s all I’ll ask.
See that whole story about my fall?
Total crap.
My last girlfriend,
she pushed a little
too hard. And I broke a little bit.
But I’m fine. I enjoyed the challenge.
I admit, I like getting pushed around now and again,
but even you can’t break me.
Why would you even try?

Red berets: First class,
Maybe we too can be called slayers.
We stand to hear from our new commander,
Who used to be our neighbor,
Before the course on cutting wires.
Wanting to be free, our hands adjust
Our underwear to sounds
Of grenades and crack-crack-crack of rifles.
Boom goes our radio station.
We don’t know why we cheer, but we do.

Back lit in hazy grey, we make proper gestures.
Under church,
Gagging and retching,
loud and violent.
Refugees are choking.
No gasmasks can be bought.
Our families are dying.
Bundled yet fearless, we are children unseen.
We fall out in genuflecting kindness.
The U.N. says they’ll help us.
We march to a horse shed, singing about rest.
 The heat becomes cold as nightfall approaches.

Not in the schoolhouse, Thumpa-thump.
American Maytag washer,
Triggers my mitten hand.
The safety is on.
Now, so are we.
We understand what homeless is.
There is nothing left but to kill, to live.
Police don’t see us.
After all, we make our older
brothers and sisters proud.
These guns built and bled us,
So, under-aged and alone
We make for war, to die.
We want those red berets.

Spider Woman

Black-laced spider woman
all long legs and a web-
you insult your own,
then claim dominance.
Behind flailing arms
and poisoned speech
lies a Queen whose
curves own the men.

Yet still they line up,
to court you and bear
your many children.
When the male's done
spreading his seed
you hungrily kill him.
How many Exes and Oh's
have you left behind,
your Highness?

I get out of line.

I hate to be the guy to burst your bubble,
but your prince? Yeeaah, he’s not coming. See,
he was on his way here when he met this Caterpillar with a hookah. Riiight,
so one thing led to another and he’s out chasing Little Red Riding Hood’s “basket”.
The point is he’s a jerk.
Now, I’m not saying treat me as an enemy, I’m saying treat me as an equal.
That way we can fight fair.
And let’s be honest about this. Maybe we should swap stories.
Me, I set myself up on those stones of shame every day,
And I’m still surprised when I get shoved off them.
But everyone knows there are no horsemen coming.
I patch myself up, and climb right back on the stones again.
What I’m getting at is you’ve been taught you’re helpless.
That being imprisoned is the role you, as a woman,
have been born to play. Humpty says screw that! 
You wanna know why no one likes your story anymore?
Because  you do this to yourself you know.  No really, you do.
Cause that evil witch named doubt? She’s not coming back for you either.
It’s just you and your hair and your loneliness.
I’m gonna tell it to you straight. Rapunzel,
it’s time for you to cut your hair and get out of your ivory tower.
That mane is only gonna help the men who are too weak or too lazy to climb up there themselves.
I bet you think I’m not strong enough of a man to get up to you, huh?
Well, there is no wall up there to hold me up, if I even chose to wait for you.
I’ll be hard boiled if you can close this gap.
Because this Humpty Dumpty isn’t thin-skinned and he doesn’t tread
on eggshells of fallen princes. He’s just tired of climbing for equality.


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Jake Wendlandt is a senior at Metropolitan State University.