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Gail Gates

                           A Night In Key Largo
                        Twist and Shout

      I really think God has a sense of humor. Maybe up in heaven the celestial television line-up was in rerun season, so God decided to watch a reality show called “Tad and Gail try Couples Yoga!” Cue the Zen music, run the opening credits.
    The plot of the show is based around an aging married couple that willingly goes to a trendy, yuppie-infused yoga studio in St. Louis Park. The agenda for that evening was to attempt yoga, as a couple, while ignoring creaky bones, a lack of flexibility, and decidedly un-hip workout clothes. Who knew a person could buy a t-shirt large enough to cover an SUV in the winter and a woman’s body at a yoga studio? Ahhhhh... jiggling, sweat absorbing comfort! Thank you, Le-Fruit of the Loom!
     Upon arrival, a perky attendant informs the tardy couple (little miscommunication on the location of the class… another story…) that the yoga session has just started, so, change and go on in. Uh, change? Don’t think so. What you see is what you get. Besides, the voluminous T-shirt would have required more than one locker space, and that would be rude. As the timid couple creep quietly into the yoga room, young bendable couples turn and stare at AARP’s finest. Thus acknowledged, Tad and Gail find a nice corner to use. Throwing yoga mats upon the gleaming floor; (because bending would be too taxing), Gail and Tad seek direction as to what would come next.
     Tanya, the evening’s yogi, encourages couples to volunteer as she needs to demonstrate movements. Riiiight. Volunteer to be a Gumby couple. Nowhere in the flyer did it say that participants were expected to have the elastic bodies of young Chinese acrobats. Nowhere. Yet couple after couple began contorting into geometric shapes that defied names, let alone human form.
     Nonetheless, Tad and Gail gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes, held hands, and attempted to do an airplane move. Somehow Gail’s hipbones did not adhere to Tad’s up thrust feet. Doing his best wood-tick-on-its-back imitation, Tad flailed about has Gail tried to soar into the air via the hip/foot support system. Her body went sort of up, sort of up, then definitely down, definitely down. Fortunately, there was no little black box in the ensuing plane crash, because celestial television does not permit the seven words even earthly television frowns on.
     Despite the wreckage, Tad and Gail gamely moved on with the program.  They twisted into a human “M”, tried a warrior’s pose that more closely resembled a rheumatic dry-hump, and somehow managed to make the tree pose look like it had a Dutch Elm infestation. Wiping away the sweat, er, physical glow, Tad produced his biggest, bestest, grin. “Gail, we have got to do this again! It was so much fun!”
     The next day, as even the tiniest movement created spasms of pain in muscles protesting the asana’s from hell, Tad still eagerly insisted couple’s yoga was a wonderful date-night. Gail tried to nod, but it hurt too much. She settled for whispering, “Lub ew …” but then stopped because her lips hurt too. At this point God shut off the television. It was getting too mushy.

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Gail Gates is a senior in First College on course to graduate in May. Her interests run towards writing, photography, and gardening, but she hopes to earn actual money while working within the Integrated Health and Healing field.