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Spring 2005

 


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rockin' red hat and the grody wolf dude
By Jennifer Samsom

* Rockin’ Red Hat has signed on
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy says, “hey girl”
Rockiní Red Hat: hey
Rockiní Red Hat: whats up
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: nothing u?
Rockiní Red Hat: i had a TOTALLY wierd weekend
Rockiní Red Hat: like i was going to go to teh mall but mom told me i had to go visit my grandma
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: like, NOT cool
Rockiní Red Hat: totally. cuz u know im not tight w/ my grandma & i hate goign over their cuz shes all wrinkly & grody & gross, u know?
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: yah my gran is like that 2
Rockiní Red Hat: my mom got me that cute red hat i wanted though so I kinda had to go or else she said she woudl return the hat & so thats why i went.
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: thats teh suck
Rockiní Red Hat: yah it is
Rockiní Red Hat: but like the wierdest thing happened on my way
Rockiní Red Hat: cuz u know i have 2 go thru the woods 2 get to grandma’s house
Rockiní Red Hat: & im like loaded down with this basket full of cookies & wine & sherry & vodka & beer cuz u know my granma is like totaly an aclohollic
Rockiní Red Hat: & im just walkin along minding my own busness & there’s like this grody wolf dude who comes out & is all, ‘:where ya goin Lil’ Red,’ & im like totalyy “who the heck R u’ cuz i never seen a wolf like that in my life
Rockiní Red Hat: he’s like big & hairy & kinda dirty & smelly & im like how doez he know my name anyways?
Rockiní Red Hat: but then hes like That smells good, where ya going with it”, & i go ‘yeah, i got some stuff for my grandma in here cuz she likes cookiez & junk & shes like right up the road a ways & this is really a lot 2 carry
Rockiní Red Hat: & he goes well that does look really haevy & a pretty girl lIke u shuldnt’ be workign so hard & why don’t u take a brake put down the basket & pick some flowers
Rockin’Red Hat: im like no way dude i wanna offload this stuff cuz i got places to go, u know
Rockiní Red Hat: and he’s all, look around u gorjus, the birds R singing & the flowers R bloomign & u will have plenty of time to get to your gran’s house
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: yah man that wolf has it right
Rockiní Red Hat: well yah thats what i thought so I said thanx & goodbye & took a little walk in the woods
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: have a good time?
Rockiní Red Hat: it was ok, i wouldof rather been at the mall
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: oh yeah that reminds me! i was at the mall yesrtday yknow it was gr8 becuz guess who was there? Matt Strom!!
Rockiní Red Hat: MATT STROM!!! NO WAy dude!!!!1
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: im not kiddin he was there
Rockiní Red Hat: was SHE there too
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: u bet your hairspray she was, babe. all over him like a leech. like, total vampire
Rockiní Red Hat: someday matt will be MINE
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: girl, u leavin me out?? i want him 2
Rockiní Red Hat: no of course not
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: good
Rockiní Red Hat: id never leave u out
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: u better not
Rockiní Red Hat: ipromise cross my heartr & hope to die
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: ok its all good then J
Rockiní Red Hat: anyway so I was in the forest right?
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: right go on
Rockiní Red Hat: so yeah after I looked at all the little birds & flowers & trees & junk i figured i’d better get going or else grandma will get mad & throw things again so off I went.
Rockiní Red Hat: got kinda lost but then i found my weay out. so I go up an dknock on her door like i always do, u know, cuz u can never tell if shell just throw plates @ u straight off or if she’ll let u in first & then go nuts
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: dang your gran’s messed up, girl
Rockiní Red Hat: yah ur tellign me
Rockiní Red Hat: so anyway no one ansers & i figuir shes passed out on the bed again so i just walk in
Rockiní Red Hat: & sure enouf shes lying on the bed & had her cap pulled down over her face & she just looked WIERD
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: whatdo u mean
Rockiní Red Hat: well like her ears were all sticking out & her eys were like HUGE & like her hands and teeth were totally GINORMOUS, & so i’m like, ‘gran, what is WRONG with u’
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: naturaly
Rockiní Red Hat: yah
Rockiní Red Hat: i mean shes ugly but not THAT ugly
Rockiní Red Hat: & then get this, granma tries to EAT me
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: ????
Rockiní Red Hat: im not kidding u she did. Actualy HE did, cuz it was the wolf.
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: !!!!
Rockiní Red Hat: yeah really!! Except this TOTALLY HOT guy with an axe cums rushign in & chops of the wolfs head
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: oh gross
Rockiní Red Hat: totally
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: so what happened then
Rockiní Red Hat: oh Axe Guy found gran in the closet. she was a little nibbbled, but i guess the wolf didnt want to eat her. i dont blame him, cuz she just REEKED..
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: eww
Rockiní Red Hat: yah but i left her the basket anyway
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: what happened with Axe guy?
Rockiní Red Hat: oh he skinnedt he wolf and said hed make me a wolfskin blanket or somethin. Hes like a hunter. i guess he was in the neborhood
Rockiní Red Hat: and then guess hwat. he asked me out!!!!!!!!!!!
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: ur kidding me!!!
Rockiní Red Hat: no im not, he really did and were going out tomorrow nite
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: u go girl!!!!
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: but what about Matt??
Rockiní Red Hat: ill figure something out. i still like Matt. But Axe Guy is really cute though. i mean REALLUY cute!!!
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: squeee!!
Rockiní Red Hat: totally having a squee moment here!
Rockiní Red Hat: ah crud i have to get offline now my momjust came home with groceries
Rockiní Red Hat: maybe when i tell her what happened i wont have to go to grandmas anymore
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: hope so
Rockiní Red Hat: okay TTYL
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: cya
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: oh and u better tell me what happenes after u get home tomorrow nite!!
Rockiní Red Hat: i will bye
Orlando Bloom Is a Total Stud Puppy: bye
Rockin’ Red Hat has signed out

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